u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
