So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
