I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
