Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
