I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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