Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So much Jack, so little girl.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
