He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize