i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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