i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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