I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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