just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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