Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
