I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she pinky promised me she was 18
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize