This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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