waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
