yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
