she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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