So drunk its hurt
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
