He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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