My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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