just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
