I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
