Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
