Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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