i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
