im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize