A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
