Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
