Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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