I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
