my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
