im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
