You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
