I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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