This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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