thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
