Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
