A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
