Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize