i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
sick fucks of a feather flock together
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
