She's JV to your varsity
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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