My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
