And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
