Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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