I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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