i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
