ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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