You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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