I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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