She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
