You made me cry and you don't even care
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
