Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
