went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
