shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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