She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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