wakey wakey hands off snakey
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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