i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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