drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
