operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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