I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
