Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
