Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The power of my boobs compel you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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