the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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