Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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